Have you ever been called something you are not? Maybe portrayed as someone you are not either? Well probably most of my adult life I have been portrayed as a "villain." Or rather a "villainess."
Now lets review the definition of a villain.
Villain - (in a film, novel, or play) a character whose evil actions or motives are important to the plot.
(I have played more good guys than villains)
Synonyms - criminal, lawbreaker, outlaw, offender, felon, convict, jailbird, malefactor, wrongdoer, black hat, supervillain..
None of those can describe me at all. Each one involves breaking the law of some sort. (Or willing to break the law.) Where as I have just merely spoke how I have felt, all of my life. That does not make me a bad person. I am just quicker than most to say how I feel. Is that bad? Maybe. In some cases, sure. But definitely not a villain.
I then started thinking about Disney villains. There are a TON of them. Some even animals. I want to talk about the women Disney villains. I chose my favorite three.
Ursula. Her father dies and is left to rule half of the sea and a magic Nautilus shell. Because she was SO greedy and misused her magic she was banished. She tricked Ariel into trading her voice for a pair of legs. Lets be honest here for a minute. Ariel is a damn idiot. Who in the hell would trade their beautiful voice for a pair of legs for love? You swim your ass around some more and find a merman and fall in love with him. I am with Ursula on this one. If I was Ursula and some dim witted girl wanted to make that trade with me, I would have done it too.
Maleficent. Now that's a nasty villain. She does have a way about her though. She walks so gracefully in a way that demands attention from all. Her soft spoken voice could send chills down your spine. It kind of reminds you of Meryl Streep's character in the Devil Wears Prada, Miranda Priestly. Except, wait. Wait a damn minute. Maleficent was an evil fairy. After she was not invited to a christening, she curses the infant (a princess, go figure) to "prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and die" before the sun sets on the princess baby's 16th birthday. Now that is f'd up. I think we can all agree that I clearly have nothing in common with Maleficent.
Cruella Deville. Now that is someone to compare me to until we dig a little deeper. Loud as all get out. White and black hair. The eyebrows. Bossy as hell. If I still smoked you could add that to the list as well. But dude, she wanted to skin 99 dalmatians to make a fur coat. She didn't care at all. She was a wealthy fashion crazed loon.
Now the hero. I was going to pick out a few different Disney princesses here, but seriously? They are all the same. They all want saved by some prince. They are all looking for their fairy tale ending. They are all believed to be sweet, gentle, loving women who never do wrong. There is always a "villain" in their story to try and ruin it.
Except in MY story.
In my story I am not the villain. I am the mother. The prince is my son, and the "princess" is my daughter in law. I have sat back for years and allowed the "princess" to skip along like she is so sweet if you bit her, you would get a toothache. My son has acted like a true prince. Trying to give everything the "princess" wants to her. Trying to create their fairy tale lifestyle. He even has kept his head in the clouds believing every word that was told to him by the sweet sweet "princess."
Over the years there have been many stories to tell about me, my son, and the "princess." Somehow I have always came out the bad guy. The villain. Most of the time I have honestly kept my mouth shut because anytime I have ever opened it I have basically got my ass chewed out. I still have kept my mouth shut to avoid losing any type of relationship with my son. Stories have been fabricated about me. Stories have been twisted and turned to make me look like horrible human. A bad mom. A villain. I continued to only vent to close family and friends. (I WILL not bring them into this.)
I have tried to really start living by this motto or saying, "It is none of your business what other people think about you. It is only your business what you think of you." Well fuck that shit. I am FED the hell up with Ms. Sweet Thang waltzing around filling peoples heads with lies and false stories about me. Allowing people to think I am some horrible villain who would skin puppies or put a curse on a baby. A baby. That's right. There is now a baby involved. My granddaughter. My granddaughter who is truly a princess, that I will now never be allowed to see. Why? Because I finally told the fake "princess" TO GO FUCK OFF!
Normally I would never do what I am about to do, but ya know what? The hell with it. I have played nice for far too long and I am owed an apology.
(Before I insert some text messages here, let me give you a brief background story on why this started. I asked to see my granddaughter.Pretty freaking brief right?)
*Please note that I did remove actual names, other than mine and a few others I am comfortable with sharing.
Random text from the "Princess"
Hey I just wanted to reach out to you.
I feel like I owe it to Baby and Myself to explain my feelings.
Ive asked Son to speak with you, as your son, but the whole situation gives him anxiety. So he's been avoiding it.
I've been avoiding coming by and coming over because I feel as if the only reason I'm coming over is just so everyone can "hold the baby." It really bothers me because sometimes I'd like to just be able to come over and hang out with everyone without having to hand my baby over to someone/pass her around. It really stresses her out to the max and she hates being passed around. I hate it as well. Because then I'm left with a fussy/upset baby the rest of the day in order to please everyone else. She gets overwhelmed very easily and is a colicky baby. And I'm not okay with pleasing others at her expense. I want to do what's best for her. And I don't want to be guilt tripped about it. Because she is no ones child but ours.
It's extremely stressful to me because by no means do I want to keep her from having a relationship with any of you. Family is everything to me. I want her to have a great relationship with you guys.
So that's why I feel I owe you this.
I've been riddled with anxiety over even bringing the topic up because I hate conflict. I don't want you to take this in the wrong way. I want everyone to be kind to one another and everyone to get along because that's what God calls us to do.
But to me, I don't want it to be all about the baby. That really bothers me. I would love it to be that you'd like us to come over to see your son and see your daughter in law. To spend time with us. Not just "to hold the baby." I've noticed since we've had a child, people want to come around more. And that bothers me. I don't want that to be the only reason. I feel as if a good relationship with your son and daughter in law is more important beforehand.
I would absolutely love to come over and sometimes just hangout with everyone and no one hold her. I want it to be my say as her mother if I want anyone to hold her. And I don't want to be guilt tripped. Just to be able to enjoy each other's company without that being the only reason we are there.
And that's the way it is with my family as well. No one asks to hold her. No one makes me feel pressured or guilty. I just offer when I know she's in a good spot and I already know everyone would love to hold her. I get that. But I know what's best for her so I do it accordingly.
I know you've only have had good intentions with all of this. So I wanted to explain in the best way possible.
Again I say this with as much love as possible. I just wanted you to know how I felt.
Reply From Me -
Hey there "Princess." I am glad you did reach out to me. I feel like I owe it to Sons side of the family and myself to explain our feelings.
You and Son have been invited to come over and do things before Baby was ever in the picture. Usually Son was the only one who would show up if either of you did. So now Baby is here and yes we do want to see her and hold her. I've asked how Baby is doing ect.. and the only reply I get is "shes fine." Not that she is a colicky baby. When you say, "you would like to come over without having to hand your baby over to someone..." I am not just someone. I am her grandmother. We are not just "some" people. We are her family. There is an Aunt Skyla, Uncle Hunter, Uncle E, Papa Lee, and Grandpa Paul. We would never want to upset Baby so she is uncomfortable.
I think we can all agree that I am not okay with pleasing anyone at the expense of well, myself. My kids. My husband. Now even Baby. I do believe you will do what you think is best for Baby. I am not going to guilt trip you into anything. Clearly you already feel guilty that's why I got a text.
I have gave you and Son the space you have asked for. I have still tried to see how Baby was doing without being labeled "nosy." I have only recently asked a total of three times about seeing her. You once at the Roadhouse and I offered to come over to you so you didn't have to take her out in the cold. (You said you would bring her to my house.) I then invited you both over for dinner on a Friday, but got brushed off. Then the last time I invited Son and Baby to come over. Sons reply was quite hurtful. Instead of the run around I could have just been explained what was going on with her.
I only need three fingers to count how many times I have seen Baby and she is almost three months old. I do not need to be reminded that it is Sons and yours daughter, but that doesn't make it okay for us to watch her grow up on social media. Seeing her get to interact with your family and never Sons family hurts. (And no, I am not trying to guilt trip you, I am just being honest.) My fear is she will grow up and not know who we are. Sons family is very small. So yes, it is very important to me that Baby knows her other side of the family.
Maybe if you both came over more often with Baby this would not even be an issue. For the record none of us have asked you to hold Baby. We've never called or text you or Son specifically asking for you guys to bring her over so we can hold her. We literally just want to spend time with her. I want her to know my voice. That Nana Smith's house smells like maple syrup. I can't wait to sit down with her and the pictures of Son and tell her stories. To show her Son's report cards, his first pictures he drew.
You stated that these were your feelings. What are Son's?
Please know that I too send this with love. With love for Baby, Son, and Princess.
Reply Back From "HER"
First and foremost, Son and I have had many conversations about this subject. So believe me when I say it is the both of us saying this.
Yes you invited us before and I have come some times. A lot of the times I am at work when you guys plan things. My job is busiest on weekends. And a lot of the times, Son stops over without even telling me. So I don't get the opportunity to even join along. He could even tell you that. And there have been many issues in the past with Son and your relationship and things you've both said about both of us in the past that are bothersome and make me distant for good reason.
Many times, I have not responded with lengthy text messages because I'm busy raising a difficult infant. And honestly, I don't have to explain her every issue (or any issue) with anyone but her father. You coming into my work and explaining to me how upset lee was that he couldn't hold her on Christmas is guilt tripping me. And it's inappropriate. 5 people had already held her in that short amount of time and she was very upset. I was very overwhelmed.
I understand what you are saying, but you need to understand, no one has a right to our child. Relative or not. We are her parents.
Period. And we want that to be respected. Because clearly it is not. I'm trying to come to you graciously and explain but you seem to not respect about our feelings towards this. And this is the exact reason we never said anything before and why we've avoided it.
Reply From Me
I am having a hard time understanding how we are not respecting yours and Son's wishes. I literally just happened to ask a couple times if we could see her. Any grandparent is going to ask that.
Any problem between Son and I he needs to bring to me.
I'm not demanding you tell me her health history either. If you would've said, ya know Heather she's been super colicky and cranky, we'd rather not have her passed around etc... Then I understand. I'm cool with it. I'm not coming at you in any type of way to make you feel a certain way. You spoke your feelings and I spoke mine. Clearly you're upset with what I said.
Reply Back From HER
It was said in my first text message. I'd love to be able to come over and not feel pressured to let anyone hold her. To just see her, and enjoy one another's company. Weather she is colicky or not, we can choose if we want anyone to hold her or not. And that has to be respected. But it's not. I've tried bending to please others. I allowed you to come to the hospital to see her when I was uncomfortable with it. I let everyone come the week she was born. I let everyone pass her around at Christmas when I wasn't okay with it. I've tried to do things that I'm uncomfortable with in order to please others. So yes, I am upset with what you've said. Because you seem to think you have some divine right as a grandmother when honestly, you have none at all. No one does. Son and I make the calls here. You always make it seem as if I am the issue. In reality, Son hates talking to you about anything like this because he knows you only want to see things your way. And it's always been that way. So he tells me to say something. But I never want to because I'm made out to be some kind of horrible person. When I should just be respected as a mother, and Son as a father. This is why I didn't want to even talk to you about it. This is why if was over text vs in person. Because it is an impossible conversation telling you anything you don't want to hear.
I'm done with this conversation.
Its either you respect our wishes as Baby's parents, or nothing changes. That's your call. Goodnight.
My FINAL Reply
Go fuck yourself. You're a bitch always have been and always will be.
(end)
Now, was this classy what I said? No. You do know what else is not classy? Acting like she has all of these years and getting away with it. This is the type of shit I have had to deal with since my son has been with this female. Was there a better way I could have handled this? Honestly, no matter what way I would have handled it, this would have been the outcome. I was going to not reply at all. I then thought, ya know maybe this might open the doors to us getting to see the baby. I know what is like to be a new mother and be over protective, but if any of you have seen any of the pictures she has posted on social media, she does not look too worried about the baby being upset in any of them. One of the things that really pisses me off in her one text is stating that I showed up to her work to complain about Lee not getting to hold baby. Just to make one point out of this, when I asked her at her work if I could come see baby, Princess said, "I can bring her over to your house." I said, "Great Lee will be excited to get to hold baby since he didn't on Christmas." That is one great example of how my words get twisted with her. I am not going to try and make a case here and "get people" on my side. That's not my intention. My only intention is to expose what type of person she really is.
She is the person she has been portraying me as all of thee years, THE VILLAIN.
Now lets review the definition of a villain.
Villain - (in a film, novel, or play) a character whose evil actions or motives are important to the plot.
(I have played more good guys than villains)
Synonyms - criminal, lawbreaker, outlaw, offender, felon, convict, jailbird, malefactor, wrongdoer, black hat, supervillain..
None of those can describe me at all. Each one involves breaking the law of some sort. (Or willing to break the law.) Where as I have just merely spoke how I have felt, all of my life. That does not make me a bad person. I am just quicker than most to say how I feel. Is that bad? Maybe. In some cases, sure. But definitely not a villain.
I then started thinking about Disney villains. There are a TON of them. Some even animals. I want to talk about the women Disney villains. I chose my favorite three.
Ursula. Her father dies and is left to rule half of the sea and a magic Nautilus shell. Because she was SO greedy and misused her magic she was banished. She tricked Ariel into trading her voice for a pair of legs. Lets be honest here for a minute. Ariel is a damn idiot. Who in the hell would trade their beautiful voice for a pair of legs for love? You swim your ass around some more and find a merman and fall in love with him. I am with Ursula on this one. If I was Ursula and some dim witted girl wanted to make that trade with me, I would have done it too.
Maleficent. Now that's a nasty villain. She does have a way about her though. She walks so gracefully in a way that demands attention from all. Her soft spoken voice could send chills down your spine. It kind of reminds you of Meryl Streep's character in the Devil Wears Prada, Miranda Priestly. Except, wait. Wait a damn minute. Maleficent was an evil fairy. After she was not invited to a christening, she curses the infant (a princess, go figure) to "prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and die" before the sun sets on the princess baby's 16th birthday. Now that is f'd up. I think we can all agree that I clearly have nothing in common with Maleficent.
Cruella Deville. Now that is someone to compare me to until we dig a little deeper. Loud as all get out. White and black hair. The eyebrows. Bossy as hell. If I still smoked you could add that to the list as well. But dude, she wanted to skin 99 dalmatians to make a fur coat. She didn't care at all. She was a wealthy fashion crazed loon.
Now the hero. I was going to pick out a few different Disney princesses here, but seriously? They are all the same. They all want saved by some prince. They are all looking for their fairy tale ending. They are all believed to be sweet, gentle, loving women who never do wrong. There is always a "villain" in their story to try and ruin it.
Except in MY story.
In my story I am not the villain. I am the mother. The prince is my son, and the "princess" is my daughter in law. I have sat back for years and allowed the "princess" to skip along like she is so sweet if you bit her, you would get a toothache. My son has acted like a true prince. Trying to give everything the "princess" wants to her. Trying to create their fairy tale lifestyle. He even has kept his head in the clouds believing every word that was told to him by the sweet sweet "princess."
Over the years there have been many stories to tell about me, my son, and the "princess." Somehow I have always came out the bad guy. The villain. Most of the time I have honestly kept my mouth shut because anytime I have ever opened it I have basically got my ass chewed out. I still have kept my mouth shut to avoid losing any type of relationship with my son. Stories have been fabricated about me. Stories have been twisted and turned to make me look like horrible human. A bad mom. A villain. I continued to only vent to close family and friends. (I WILL not bring them into this.)
I have tried to really start living by this motto or saying, "It is none of your business what other people think about you. It is only your business what you think of you." Well fuck that shit. I am FED the hell up with Ms. Sweet Thang waltzing around filling peoples heads with lies and false stories about me. Allowing people to think I am some horrible villain who would skin puppies or put a curse on a baby. A baby. That's right. There is now a baby involved. My granddaughter. My granddaughter who is truly a princess, that I will now never be allowed to see. Why? Because I finally told the fake "princess" TO GO FUCK OFF!
Normally I would never do what I am about to do, but ya know what? The hell with it. I have played nice for far too long and I am owed an apology.
(Before I insert some text messages here, let me give you a brief background story on why this started. I asked to see my granddaughter.Pretty freaking brief right?)
*Please note that I did remove actual names, other than mine and a few others I am comfortable with sharing.
Random text from the "Princess"
Hey I just wanted to reach out to you.
I feel like I owe it to Baby and Myself to explain my feelings.
Ive asked Son to speak with you, as your son, but the whole situation gives him anxiety. So he's been avoiding it.
I've been avoiding coming by and coming over because I feel as if the only reason I'm coming over is just so everyone can "hold the baby." It really bothers me because sometimes I'd like to just be able to come over and hang out with everyone without having to hand my baby over to someone/pass her around. It really stresses her out to the max and she hates being passed around. I hate it as well. Because then I'm left with a fussy/upset baby the rest of the day in order to please everyone else. She gets overwhelmed very easily and is a colicky baby. And I'm not okay with pleasing others at her expense. I want to do what's best for her. And I don't want to be guilt tripped about it. Because she is no ones child but ours.
It's extremely stressful to me because by no means do I want to keep her from having a relationship with any of you. Family is everything to me. I want her to have a great relationship with you guys.
So that's why I feel I owe you this.
I've been riddled with anxiety over even bringing the topic up because I hate conflict. I don't want you to take this in the wrong way. I want everyone to be kind to one another and everyone to get along because that's what God calls us to do.
But to me, I don't want it to be all about the baby. That really bothers me. I would love it to be that you'd like us to come over to see your son and see your daughter in law. To spend time with us. Not just "to hold the baby." I've noticed since we've had a child, people want to come around more. And that bothers me. I don't want that to be the only reason. I feel as if a good relationship with your son and daughter in law is more important beforehand.
I would absolutely love to come over and sometimes just hangout with everyone and no one hold her. I want it to be my say as her mother if I want anyone to hold her. And I don't want to be guilt tripped. Just to be able to enjoy each other's company without that being the only reason we are there.
And that's the way it is with my family as well. No one asks to hold her. No one makes me feel pressured or guilty. I just offer when I know she's in a good spot and I already know everyone would love to hold her. I get that. But I know what's best for her so I do it accordingly.
I know you've only have had good intentions with all of this. So I wanted to explain in the best way possible.
Again I say this with as much love as possible. I just wanted you to know how I felt.
Reply From Me -
Hey there "Princess." I am glad you did reach out to me. I feel like I owe it to Sons side of the family and myself to explain our feelings.
You and Son have been invited to come over and do things before Baby was ever in the picture. Usually Son was the only one who would show up if either of you did. So now Baby is here and yes we do want to see her and hold her. I've asked how Baby is doing ect.. and the only reply I get is "shes fine." Not that she is a colicky baby. When you say, "you would like to come over without having to hand your baby over to someone..." I am not just someone. I am her grandmother. We are not just "some" people. We are her family. There is an Aunt Skyla, Uncle Hunter, Uncle E, Papa Lee, and Grandpa Paul. We would never want to upset Baby so she is uncomfortable.
I think we can all agree that I am not okay with pleasing anyone at the expense of well, myself. My kids. My husband. Now even Baby. I do believe you will do what you think is best for Baby. I am not going to guilt trip you into anything. Clearly you already feel guilty that's why I got a text.
I have gave you and Son the space you have asked for. I have still tried to see how Baby was doing without being labeled "nosy." I have only recently asked a total of three times about seeing her. You once at the Roadhouse and I offered to come over to you so you didn't have to take her out in the cold. (You said you would bring her to my house.) I then invited you both over for dinner on a Friday, but got brushed off. Then the last time I invited Son and Baby to come over. Sons reply was quite hurtful. Instead of the run around I could have just been explained what was going on with her.
I only need three fingers to count how many times I have seen Baby and she is almost three months old. I do not need to be reminded that it is Sons and yours daughter, but that doesn't make it okay for us to watch her grow up on social media. Seeing her get to interact with your family and never Sons family hurts. (And no, I am not trying to guilt trip you, I am just being honest.) My fear is she will grow up and not know who we are. Sons family is very small. So yes, it is very important to me that Baby knows her other side of the family.
Maybe if you both came over more often with Baby this would not even be an issue. For the record none of us have asked you to hold Baby. We've never called or text you or Son specifically asking for you guys to bring her over so we can hold her. We literally just want to spend time with her. I want her to know my voice. That Nana Smith's house smells like maple syrup. I can't wait to sit down with her and the pictures of Son and tell her stories. To show her Son's report cards, his first pictures he drew.
You stated that these were your feelings. What are Son's?
Please know that I too send this with love. With love for Baby, Son, and Princess.
Reply Back From "HER"
First and foremost, Son and I have had many conversations about this subject. So believe me when I say it is the both of us saying this.
Yes you invited us before and I have come some times. A lot of the times I am at work when you guys plan things. My job is busiest on weekends. And a lot of the times, Son stops over without even telling me. So I don't get the opportunity to even join along. He could even tell you that. And there have been many issues in the past with Son and your relationship and things you've both said about both of us in the past that are bothersome and make me distant for good reason.
Many times, I have not responded with lengthy text messages because I'm busy raising a difficult infant. And honestly, I don't have to explain her every issue (or any issue) with anyone but her father. You coming into my work and explaining to me how upset lee was that he couldn't hold her on Christmas is guilt tripping me. And it's inappropriate. 5 people had already held her in that short amount of time and she was very upset. I was very overwhelmed.
I understand what you are saying, but you need to understand, no one has a right to our child. Relative or not. We are her parents.
Period. And we want that to be respected. Because clearly it is not. I'm trying to come to you graciously and explain but you seem to not respect about our feelings towards this. And this is the exact reason we never said anything before and why we've avoided it.
Reply From Me
I am having a hard time understanding how we are not respecting yours and Son's wishes. I literally just happened to ask a couple times if we could see her. Any grandparent is going to ask that.
Any problem between Son and I he needs to bring to me.
I'm not demanding you tell me her health history either. If you would've said, ya know Heather she's been super colicky and cranky, we'd rather not have her passed around etc... Then I understand. I'm cool with it. I'm not coming at you in any type of way to make you feel a certain way. You spoke your feelings and I spoke mine. Clearly you're upset with what I said.
Reply Back From HER
It was said in my first text message. I'd love to be able to come over and not feel pressured to let anyone hold her. To just see her, and enjoy one another's company. Weather she is colicky or not, we can choose if we want anyone to hold her or not. And that has to be respected. But it's not. I've tried bending to please others. I allowed you to come to the hospital to see her when I was uncomfortable with it. I let everyone come the week she was born. I let everyone pass her around at Christmas when I wasn't okay with it. I've tried to do things that I'm uncomfortable with in order to please others. So yes, I am upset with what you've said. Because you seem to think you have some divine right as a grandmother when honestly, you have none at all. No one does. Son and I make the calls here. You always make it seem as if I am the issue. In reality, Son hates talking to you about anything like this because he knows you only want to see things your way. And it's always been that way. So he tells me to say something. But I never want to because I'm made out to be some kind of horrible person. When I should just be respected as a mother, and Son as a father. This is why I didn't want to even talk to you about it. This is why if was over text vs in person. Because it is an impossible conversation telling you anything you don't want to hear.
I'm done with this conversation.
Its either you respect our wishes as Baby's parents, or nothing changes. That's your call. Goodnight.
My FINAL Reply
Go fuck yourself. You're a bitch always have been and always will be.
(end)
Now, was this classy what I said? No. You do know what else is not classy? Acting like she has all of these years and getting away with it. This is the type of shit I have had to deal with since my son has been with this female. Was there a better way I could have handled this? Honestly, no matter what way I would have handled it, this would have been the outcome. I was going to not reply at all. I then thought, ya know maybe this might open the doors to us getting to see the baby. I know what is like to be a new mother and be over protective, but if any of you have seen any of the pictures she has posted on social media, she does not look too worried about the baby being upset in any of them. One of the things that really pisses me off in her one text is stating that I showed up to her work to complain about Lee not getting to hold baby. Just to make one point out of this, when I asked her at her work if I could come see baby, Princess said, "I can bring her over to your house." I said, "Great Lee will be excited to get to hold baby since he didn't on Christmas." That is one great example of how my words get twisted with her. I am not going to try and make a case here and "get people" on my side. That's not my intention. My only intention is to expose what type of person she really is.
She is the person she has been portraying me as all of thee years, THE VILLAIN.
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